Who Ate All The Pies?

Me! It was me!!

I can no longer deny it :-(!

I was doing so well on my weight loss journey. From January 2015 onwards losing almost a stone & a half of my 2 stone target.

At the height of my journey in Feb 2016.

This was December 2016 wearing the same skirt . So easy to see the weight piling back on.

You probably don’t see here but I am now the heaviest I have ever been. makes me feel really miserable.

 

I never expected to become stick thin – I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT THIN EVER! I also always knew & was prepared to not keep all of those LBs off either. I’m nothing if not realistic!

However , a combination of things including losing my job- albeit it temporary – & subsequently having to give up the gym, meant that depression quickly began to rear up. I always say that when I am at a low point, stressed or just in a not so good place, I eat or spend money. Well, funds a little lacking right now so …. food it is then!

Seriously, I really need to my gob stapled shut. Its surely the only way to combat this lack of will power on my part! I can NEVER say no to any of those naughty (but oh so nice) things.
I can honestly say ( very honestly , as much as I am ashamed to) that I have not deprived myself off goodies of any kind for a long time. The bad snacks are back in the house – now I am no longer working & spend a lot of time at home its so easy to reach for the wrong things again. As I say willpower is not my friend. When we eat out/get takeaways ( which is TOO much) I no longer try to be as good as I can be. I went through a stage of going to do the grocery shop & only treating the boys & Rob to a cake. Now I now only buy myself a cake . I’ll grab a 2 pack & eat them both in 1 sitting!

I then have that ever accompanying guilt from stuffing my face with so much crap. I’ll almost be weeping at the waist bands that are getting too tight again – & then go &  console myself with half a pack of biscuits! I feel fucking terrible, but can I stop? Nope!

I don’t know the last time I did any proper exercise either. I haven’t picked up a DVD to do. Walking, which I actually really do enjoy is very sporadic. The dog doesn’t require a long walk & thus I find on days when the weather is really shit we don’t bother. Whereas this time last year I’d take myself off for an hour at a time. I’d feel so bloody invigorated for doing it & that would make me want to do the same on the next opportunity.

I know exactly what I need to do to change things. Bin all the crap food for starters. Then I cannot reach for them. I need to bring the DVDs out again – in fact there’s some great workouts on You Tube anyway. It goes without saying the walking needs to be upped again.

This time last year I was in so much a happier place. I know my weight loss was a huge factor but my positive attitude to it was also a huge difference in how it was all going. Now I open my wardrobe each morning & have to stop myself from slamming it shut when  I can barely find something to fit me!

This in March 2016 is a favourite. You can really see how far I had come & I was so happy to be this thin.

 

I do know – or at least I hope I know – that one day it will all click again for me. I’ve done it once with huge success & hope I can again.

I know I am not alone in this rather precarious weight loss journey. I’d love to hear your stories too. The successes & the not so successful. The ways you’ve kept yourself going. Why some of you struggle.

Thank you for reading my as usual load of babble. Happy Wednesday dear readers.

Amanda x

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